If you haven’t heard of this yet……  Several Years ago there was all this buzz about Freya Estreller and Natasha Case and their Coolhaus Ice Cream truck.  The name is an obvious reference to REM Koolhaus (which you probably already know).

To quote the LAist from 2009 “The Coolhaus ice cream sandwich is a homemade and all-natural ice cream (featuring local and organic ingredients when possible) scooped in between two cookies. Currently, there are five basic flavors inspired by architecture and design. There’s the Frank Behry (sugar cookie with strawberry ice cream), Mintimalism (chocolate cookie and mint chip ice cream), Mies Vanilla Rohe (chocolate chip cookie and vanilla ice cream), Richard Meyer Lemon Ginger (ginger cookie and lemon ice cream), and Oatmeal Cinnamoneo (oatmeal cookie and cinnamon ice cream).”

Kinda reminds me of Ben and Jerry’s “Cherry Garcia Ice Cream.”  I thought they would come out with “Kurt Cobain crunch” back in 1994….but it never came about.  Anyways, it’s harmless to have an architecture themed Ice Cream Truck.  I can admit that.

BUT it’s another thing to claim that you haven’t quit the profession, and somehow have found a magical way to incorporate Ice Cream into the Lexicon of your Architectectural legacy.

Let’s break down the interview from the LA-ist for a moment.

La-ist says,  “But these two LA natives have put a lot of thought into building their little empire that combines architecture, design, urban planning and food.”

Ummm….  I know Architect have always talked about combining all fields into one giant discipline.  This is why so many architecture graduates think they’re good at EVERYTHING.  The Architectural education system brainwashes them into thinking architects are the gods of all things aesthetic.  Most Architects think they’re great photographers, graphic designers, interior designers, color theorists, etc.  But, if you see their bow ties, perfectly round glasses, and button up shirts that are missing the collars, you know there’s something aesthetically skewed with their outlook.  ALSO, if you see what a REAL Graphic Designer can do, you realize that the architect is not as good at it as he may think.

Again, from the LA-ist.

“Freya: Actually Coolhaus is just the first project under the Farchitecture umbrella, so Natasha and myself founded Farchitecture in February of this year, which is shorthand for food + architecture. Our goal with Farchitecture is to basically explore how design can enhance your eating experience, whether it can be through product development, event planning or real estate development.”

Remember the old days??  When an architect dropped out of the profession to make Ice Cream, that was called “Dropping out of the profession to make Ice Cream.”  This is when the parents would call in anger, asking how the $800 a month student loan bills are going to be paid.  BUT, if you hang the degree in a framed sign inside the truck…..it makes your exit from the architecture professions seem like a minor transition or even a new evolution in the profession. 

This gives me an idea.  If I get convicted to 10 years in prison I’ll just say  “Oh, I still have an architecture firm.  My office has just moved to a new location!  I’m very interested in the Brutalist period of the 1970’s.”  This would enable me to maintain my pretentious status while behind bars.

Or, lets say I get laid off, and become homeless.  I’ve become interested in ECO Architecture, collecting cans and bottles and sleeping under cardboard for an experiment in adaptive reuse.

At the same time, I thought maybe the joke is on me?  I mean…..their office is called “Farchitecture.”  Meaning Food and Architecture.  To me it sounds like “F – Architecture” which would be radio speak for “Fuck Architecture”.  Was this the intention?  To just “F” with everybody?  Cuz trust me…….If I made more money selling Ice Cream than doing what I’m doing, I’d sell Ice Cream, and I’d say “F” it.

They also state that as far as the body of work of Farchitecture “Coolhaus is just the first project. The roots for both Farchitecture and Coolhaus are academic.”

I have to say straight up, this is a lot of bullshit.  But whatever.  If you say it’s Academic, it just becomes Academic? What exactly is Academic about Ice Cream?  Home Ecomonics?

I guess it IS Academic if you have to write a pretentious Tract to justify what you do.

More fodder for my Cynicism:

“Natasha: The ice cream sandwiches are a fun way to deconstruct dessert flavors into a new format, i.e. we have a red wine ice cream with chocolate cookie now—-the chocolate brings out the blackberry flavors in the wine. This re-working of perception and form is a common architectural exercise in the design process.”

Yes, the reworking of perception and Form is a common architectural exercise.  It’s also a common COOKING EXERCISE!  DUH!

And she continues,” Also, the stacking of the cookie, ice cream, then cookie offers some opportunity to create architectural type geometries. “

Architectural Geometries?  The FUCK?  What architectural Geometry is that exactly?  Did you model the ice cream in Maya in Greg Lynn’s Studio at UCLA?  Architecture began as the stacking up of piles, which later became pyramids etc….   But so what?!?!  If this is true, then folding and stacking laundry is also an Architectural Geometry.  There’s no relation to making an Ice Cream Sandwiches and Architecture whatsoever!

“Natasha: The edible wrapping explores this intersection of design and food: re-thinking the functionality and purpose of a wrapper, which we normally throw away without a worry, as edible, is a design choice which is ultimately a move towards limited waste and encouraging sustainable eating/consuming.”

Kinda like…….The Ice Cream CONE?  Did the inventor of the Ice Cream Cone drop out of Architecture too?  That’s funny, because I don’t recall reading a diatribe explanation of the Conal Geometries and Waste Economies of the Ice Cream Cone when it was invented back in 1807 when it was invented.

I’ll stop here.

ON their current website, they seem to have backed off from their original embarrassing rhetoric of trying to combine their former profession and their NEW Ice Cream truck business.  But this kind of thing really irks me.

Hey fellow Architects, and Freya and Natasha.

When you start another business, just leave it as another business. 

The interview should have gone something like this “Ya, I’m an Architect and a Developer, but I also have this Ice Cream truck that pays the bills. But I really want to build something. Our education has helped a lot in figuring out all the complex systems involved in running a business and making ice cream to meet demand.  We are really trying to learn 4 years of cooking school and business in just a few months, and frankly, it’s humbling.”

Also, I won’t even get into the fact that DWELL (my least favorite magazine on earth) also jumped on the bandwagon.

“Grateful Shed” is an obvious reference to the Rock Band “Grateful Dead”.

Are they implying that this house looks amazing, but only when High on LSD surrounded by half naked hippies?

FIRST:

The Title is lame.  It reminds me of an era, and a type of music, and an overall fashion that I don’t like.

SECOND.

The article has the letters “DIY” in it which is a direct attack on my profession which is Architecture. DIY is the direct enemy of the Design Industries of all kinds.  Most of Dwell magazine seems to be about the DIY.  To which I say, WTF?  Why don’t we all go sew our own clothes now.

THIRD:

(Not to rain on the design parade, BUT) an overhang that slopes back towards a building, just means the water is heading right back towards the wall, which defeats the purpose of an overhang to begin with.

FOURTH:

It says the Architects also designed them a larger house for the site.  It doesn’t really have any proof that they could afford to do it, or plan to do it after dumping all this money into this thing.

FIFTH:

The shed cost $80,000.  I renovated homes for that much. AND it’s a non-habitable structure.  Usually, Dwell exaggerates their costs towards the low end.  This time they didn’t.  But it leaves me feeling bad for these people.

But hey, If they could afford it and they’re happy, then more power to them.  

But in my heart, I assume they feel cheated, because I’m Cynical.

Every single architect has heard the same question…

“Why is this going to cost so much?  Can’t we just build the house out of shipping containers?”

To this I would say, “Of Course!  While we’re at it, I can make you a tuxedo out of garbage bags.  And, why are you driving that Mercedes?  I can take a 1978 Honda Civic, repaint it, and put a Mercedes logo on it.  It’ll be just as good! Also, why do you pay to get your hair styled anyways.  You realize that shaving it all off is much cheaper and saves a lot of time and energy on the part of hairdressers.  It’s so obvious, why didn’t we all think of that before!?”

Yes, you CAN sleep in a dumpster.  But why would you?

You can sleep in your car much more comfortably!  And you’re not going to do that? Are you?

If you’re not willing to wear a garbage bag dress, or become Freegan, or cook gourmet meals out of garbage, or drive a cheaper less glamorous car, Then Why On Earth would you consider owning a home made out of shipping containers?

I know why.  Cuz you’re a cheapskate.

Every single thing in your life is of the utmost quality.

The Gourmet $5 a cup coffee, Massages, facials, psychiatrists, iphones, ipads, expensive cars, high thread count sheets, and then you ask ME if you can sleep in a shipping container??

I think you might actually Deserve it.

Go ahead and try the recycled and reused items I mentioned.  When is the last time you bought clothes at a thrift store!  Wear thrift store clothes in a nice house.  Don’t wear nice clothes in crappy house.

I don’t want to hear about another shipping container, until you come over here in a polyester jumpsuit from St. Vincent’s!!

“Ya know, in the Caribbean, people live in shipping containers.”

That’s because they’re poor.  Trust me, they don’t want to live that way.  They also sell their bodies for money and smoke a lot of weed. 

Perhaps I’m missing the point.  Maybe this is all about the white first world slumming it to get a taste of what “real people” live like. 

It’s like a USC frat party gone bad.

Or is it just that you want to appear politically correct.  Not realizing what a difficult and costly task it is to actually use a container as a house in the first world.

How did all these clients lose sight of beauty, proportion, quality, light and space?  It’s not that shipping containers are 100% off limits in architecture.  But using them completely because your cheapskate mind has convinced itself that it will keep rain off your head, and impress your friends is just idiotic.  It’s as if your only requirement for a Car is that it be made of metal.  There must be a larger decision making process than that?

It’s reminds me of a fashionless guy saying, “I wear pants just to keep my nuts covered.”  If Architecture were fashion, it would aspire to do more than just shield peoples eyes from seeing your scrotum.

(By the way, I have a used toilet you can use to grow flowers in on your porch too!)

I know all of our entertainment on TV is the worship of Do it Yourself-ers, Home Makeovers, House Flippers, Gator Hunters, Gold Diggers, Pawn Brokers, Crab Fisherman, Truck Drivers, Coupon Hoarders, and Meth Cookers.  These professions should be kept as entertainment, and not become something to aspire to.  

It’s like going to the highest end restaurant in NYC and asking them to make you a Twinkie.

JUST STOP IT.

Also, Contractors have been using containers as temporary offices for years.  ONLY after the Architects think of it, does it become some kind of worthy idea of publishing.

And I already know what the Nay-sayers are going to say.

You want some facts?!???!

A shipping container is a piece of industrial waste.  It’s made of steel, as is often rusted, scratched, and unattractive after it’s used and is left for waste.  Typically they’re 8 x 8 x 20 feet. Some are 40 feet long.

It’s totally acceptable at Burning Man or in your Central American resort, or as storage.

It is a noble cause to want to reuse one of these for your own home. Well then, please purchase the little airplane made out of cut Coca Cola cans as you walk thru Tijuana.

Oh ya….FACTS.  Here goes.

Let’s say you want to build a house out of containers in California.

First you have to buy one for $1000.

Then you have to build a foundation $2,000 depending.

Then you have to insulate it required by energy codes and Title 24.

This will require framing the interior, which will cost around $50 a linear foot.

By the time you’ve done this, you could have just framed a building anyways. You just framed a wood building inside of a steel building.

I’ll estimate framing, insulation, and drywall to be another $3000.

A shipping container is 8’-0” tall typically.

You just furred down the ceiling to insulate it.

Now you are left with a ceiling that’s only 7’-0” tall which is not to code in the USA.

Add some electricity, flooring, oh……what about AC ducts?  How do you get that heat and cooling in there? 

Also, anything made of steel in many cities requires a city inspector to review the welds as the container is put together.

One way to avoid this problem is to buy a Brand New shipping container which defeats the purpose of buying a container in the first place (to recycle and reuse).

See how quickly the dream dies?

The only people who live in shipping containers are Stow Aways.

IN the USA, with our laws, it’s just not a financially smart thing to undertake.  Only the rich could afford it.

You are better off, hiring some Day Laborers loitering in a parking lot somewhere, and hiring them to frame you out a little shack for $150 a square foot. Then go to a salvage yard, and buy used architectural materials like doors, windows and sinks.

Trust me, these day laborers need the money.  And I support the working man.

Now, I challenge you to a google search.  You will not see a SINGLE comfortable shipping container house, with insulation and normal basic home conveniences, installed outdoors, made from real used containers in the USA, that is not a computer rendering.

All the cool ones you see are playhouses, indoor structures inside of warehouses, or in foreign countries.  Period.

Time is more expensive in the USA than any material.  So using a container is not going to save you anything.

If you want to learn how to save money on food and shelter, ask the homeless or your accountant.

I just picked up the latest issue of Architectural Record, March 2012.

The title on the Cover says, “Building for Social Change.”

I like that.  It’s about time that architecture wasn’t all about the wealthy and we found a way to give back to the community.

One page in particular caught my eye.

Notice the title of the page is “Humanitarian” and “Change Makers”.  (Michael Jackson says) “Make that change!”  Again, I’m all for being Humanitarian.  Clean water, access to medical care, food are all very important and should be considered a basic human right which every nation should fight to provide for one another.

But WTF is that cardboard thing?  I mean…”Change Maker” is a heavy title which demands some serious groundbreaking, lifesaving change.  RIGHT?

So, Martin Jorgensen was “inspired by the 2010 Haitian Earthquake” and he felt the best way he could help the people who’s homes were destroyed, searching for clean water, and dying of cholera would be to give them a Janky-Ass Homemade cardboard dresser project to keep their clothes in.  Oh ya, and you have to drink four coca cola’s to complete the design. 

I’m sure he means well, but are you serious Jorgy?  And then to publicize it in a magazine as self promotion?

The furniture is made form a UNICEF box “Requiring only a knife and following instructions”………. What?  are we MacGuiver here?  Ummm…….these People just had their entire world destroyed.  You think they give a shit where they’re going to store their clothes?  If I was Haitian and a foreigner came up to me, and handed me a knife and a cardboard box, and told me to perform some stupid arts and crafts project while my child was dying next to me, I think I would just throw my clothes in the box, and get to more important things.

 ”UNICEF is currently waiting for approval to set up a field test of one of his kits though there is no specific time frame for production.”

NO Specific TIMEFRAME!  Ya, no shit.  Cuz no one wants it!

Let me translate that Quote above.  UNICEF is trying to figure out how to rebuild a country from scratch which hasn’t had a well functioning government in decades, and needs virtually every kind of Infrastructure you could imagine.  They then received this proposal for a dresser made of a box with Coke Legs and promptly threw it out.  The Architect probably  came up with this idea in his 100% safe socialist country in his heated flat somewhere, and felt a little guilt.  Education, water, housing, unemployment, medical leave for pregnancy, healthcare are all provided.  Unfortunately, all he had to contribute to the cause was getting his craft project published in a magazine for promotion of his own design firm. (just a guess)  Maybe Architectural Record just happened upon this?  But…..we all know that natural disasters give Architects a hard-on for heart felt disaster relief stricken self promotion.

It’s like a writer thinking of how to make a screenplay out of 911 on September 12th.  It’s architectural Ambulance chasing.

Hey architects.  Write a fucking check.  End of story.  You get paid well.  Or go there and build something, not some offensive piece of half-assed wanna be furniture.  I don’t even think the homeless would appreciate this thing.

Before I sign out……..let’s take a look at this piece in context.

Maybe I’m wrong?

You know what.  I take it back.  I think this design really brightens up that area by the tree.  And the woman sitting down is probably SO pleased that she has a place to neatly fold her clothes at the end of the day.

Mission Accomplished!  Architects have saved the world once again!  Let’s congratulate ourselves and pay to get our awards!!

“Barns Enobled”

OH, I get it…..  sounds like “Barnes and Noble”

Aren’t they the Bookstore chain that’s suffering due to lack of sales, closing stores across the nation?

Yes.

Does it have anything to do with this Barn conversion in England by Carl Turner?

NO.  It rhymes.  That’s it.

Well here’s some other titles that didn’t make the Cut.

“Barn-ey loves me” - too juvenile

“Barn-ey’s Beanery” - too rowdy

“Barn-ard Tschumi” - that’s another architect (good title! but could get confusing)

“Pottery Barn” - If there was pottery in the photo, we’d go with this one.

“Barn-ard Parks” - If it was a barn in a park, then the reference to the 8th district City Councilman in Los Angeles would have been perfect.

Any other suggestions for Dwell?

IS it really that BAD out there?!?! Van Guard Homesteading Architects are NOW designing houses for Chickens.  Apparently, they’re the only living things that can still afford an architect.  (what’s the loan process for a chicken?)

Although most people will just build a doghouse or a fence when they’re unemployed…..These ARchitects pursue getting their Chicken Dreamhouse Published.

Congratulations!

You managed to take a practice reserved for third world countries, and make it sound chic and cool….While refining your skills with Architectural Animal Testing.  And no one will notice that the reality is that you’re TOO cheap to buy eggs at the store, and you’d rather live with filthy noisy animals in your urban oasis.

I’m surprised they didn’t call it a PREFAB Chicken house.  Maybe building off-site was too difficult.

I would like to give myself an award for starting this website.

ARchitects love to give themselves awards and praise.

NO….  I have a better idea.

I’m going to start a Competition for ARchitectural Websites.

THEN, i’ll charge everyone $300 a piece to enter the competition, and then I’ll give out a prize at an amazing ARchitectural venue (which will be donated to me for the night for free of course).  People will have to join my club to enter the competition for $700 a year.

And the Winner of the Award will get free access to my site.  Anyone who wants to attend the awards Ceremony will have to pay $350 to see who wins, as the winner will not be announced.

Some of the most notable features of my website:

It’s brown.

Architects love brown natural looking things.

This website has that.

It also is reminiscent of a clipboard.

I once had a boss that said, “There is nothing more professional looking that a masonite clipboard.”

AND, it’s in Helvetica.

enough said.